koncho'd at kencho

Now I have only been in Japan for 76 days and I have already been targeted and publicly humiliated by the other JETs. Whilst at Kencho (our prefectural government office in Yamaguchi City) a certain publication known as 'Zen Zen' was distributed to everyone and then some. What I discovered on the back page, if I may be so frank, was truly shocking. I'm feeling emotional even just writing about it. I feel as though the editors have clapped their hands together and thrust their jouvenile, immature, grubby little fingers right up my arse!! (metaphorically speaking of course).It featured pictures of myself looking terribly hungover (which, although a rare sight, has lead the readers to believe otherwise), pictures of Jackie Kennedy and Frodo Baggins (I have no idea why) and this headline and blurb:

" LORD of the GUCH- The Fellowship of the Butchers"

"One man's quest to find the love of his life. The journey, finding his long lost mother, Jackie Kennedy. An epic that proves big things come in small packages. Join Matt and his other drinking buddies, in the Fellowship of the Butchers."

Where did all of this come from? I feel that I have been victimised and, as a result, my poor demure, non drinking self has been compromised. This, of course, had disasterous effects and I hope that you are all prepared to share the blame for the person that I have become.

The first stage of my breakdown was being driven to alcohol (something that we all know I deeply oppose). Luckily some JETs realised the error of their mocking ways and gave me moral support (and no we are not drinking from cans, on a bench, in the most central part of the city during the afternoon). I was then driven to seek out boobs. From a completely innocent young man, I was propelled into the seedy world that all you other JETs seem to rot in.
To pop the cherry on top of it all, I turned to using automatic weapons against poor, defenseless, karaoke singing plastic men.

All I have to say is that I hope you feel proud of yourselves.