Tanuki's Tokyo Tales
WARNING! SOME READERS MAY FIND SOME PARTS OF THE FOLLOWING STORY DEEPLY UPSETTING.
Once upon a time in Abu-cho there was an evil old man named David Nathan Swope Weinstein. His only friend was his Keitai (mobile phone) accessory, Tanuki S Weinstein. Despite being treated awfully and being fed only cheap packet curry, Tanuki stood my his owner no matter what. Then Tanuki's world was shattered. David returned from trip to Nagasaki with a new Keitai accessory and Tanuki was tossed into the bin with only empty packets of curry to keep him company. Not quite accustomed to the Japanese rubbish system, David didn't empty the waste bin for weeks and Tanuki was forced to lay there watching David having fun with his new accessory. These weeks of torment put Tanuki in a dark evil place. Pauline and myself took it upon ourselves, as co founders of the NSPKA (National Society for the Protection of Keitai Accessories), to take Tanuki on a Tokyo holiday to show him that there is more than Dave to life. (The NSPKA is also in cooperation with the NSPHBD - National Society for the Protection of Heart Breaker Dave - there are millions of women everywhere suffering from their hearts broken when they relise the "nice guy"thing is all an act.)
Chorong showing Tanuki the love and respect he deserves.
Tanuki mingling with the Harajuku girls.
Tanuki joining in with the Elvis impersonators at Harajuku
News of Tanuki's story soon spread across the Land and protests against the mis treatment of keitai accessories were held. 
Pauline and I decided to expose Tanuki to some history and culture so we took him to the World Heritage Site at Nikko.
The saying "Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil" originates from a carving on one of the buildings at Nikko. Tanuki found some friends to do their own version.
Some of the sites at Nikko reminded poor Tanuki of his time with Dave. At the NSPKA, we encourage our accessories to face their demons.
At Nikko there was a statue of the NSPKA's patron : Prince Yamane Sensei.
Tanuki had a whale of a time snogging and flirting with this Christine Perez lookalike. (no tanukis were injured during the taking of this photo)
The next step in Tanuki's rehabiltation was to expose him to the rich variety of food in this world. A far cry from his packet curry days.
posted by mashio spillip @ 6:40 pm
5 Comments:
You ate at KUA'AINA??? It's from hawaii and is one of my fav burger places--I had no idea one opened up in tokyo! LUCKY!!!
Yeah we went there!! Probably the best burger of my life!!!!!! It's near Harajuku.
Sorry Crystal, Tanuki's eyes are firm;y set on Christine.
Christine, he wants to call you but keitai's hold bad memories for him. We're working on it.
(x) tanuki kiss
secrets and lies, secrets and lies! i address you all tonight in supplication; ladies and gentleman, i implore you...
for the last few weeks i've been in mourning as if bereaved as i thought i would never see my beloved tanuki again. it was not more than a month ago that an event of such unprecedented magnitude shocked and disturbed my comfortable little inaka world to the point of me flying 7,000 miles around the globe seeking the comfort only my family can provide; yes, indeed, i refer to the theft, the kidnapping, the banditry, the abduction, the "yoinking," the very purloining of my dear and sweet and innocent tanuki. i thought it was a one-man job...case in point, i was happily dozing in a car when an evil temptress, the likes of whom haven't been seen since the infamous Cruella de Vil, stole my treasured friend while i was in the throes of slumber! she as many an alias including ha, vi, pauline, captain Flint (as in the scourge of the Spanish Main), and i've heard worse...but alas, she wasn't working alone! one baggins aka jakie O aka spills aka matt aka matthew aka sweet old inaka farmer aka japanese tourist was in on it too!
and now to see this vicious display of devilry and purely evil knavery comes as a blow like i've never known. to dote your prize before my very eyes in search of a good laugh!? so what do you want from me? you've already lied to the people, and have possibly gained their trust, but you and i both know what truly lurks within. you want me to play a sycophantic pawn? a mouse in your maze of lies? fine...anything to get a loved one back, but know that there are certain circles in hell reserved for your kind and you won't have the last laugh!
oh, and spills, you paintballing this saturday?
May I just briefly remind everyone that Mr Weinstein has recently had a book published. Do not be enchanted by prose!!! He is a professional. Be well aware that writers use their work to manipulate people around to their way of thinking.
This man is pure evil and he disgusts me.
You bet your ass I'm going paintballing!! See you Sat Dave :)
yet there was another witness present when the aforementioned theft of mr. tanuki occured on that sunny day in northern yamaguchi by Vixen Vi...
However, according to head paparazzi Baggins, that same witness has been repeatedly silenced into submission by the hand of Dr. Swope (while the other twice-clutched a beer), so who's to say he hasn't bullied her into taking his side once again..?
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