Held hostage by four year olds!

Returning from work, I was ambushed by four Japanese kids (crazy that, being in Japan and all) at the entrance of my appartment. They greeted me with a "hi" and followed me to my front door. How could I close the door in their faces? I just had to play with them. One and a half hours of ketai* thieving, konchoing** genkiness*** later I needed to escape. They were having none of it!

I must say, however, that they were the most receptive children I have come accross to communicating in English (including my 18 year old students). We understood eachother, despite there being a language barrier (admittedly that might have something to do with my true mental age). I gave Sayaka my prize garlands from my limbo victory in Fukuoka but later found that they had found my postbox and returned them to me. How sweet are they!

*ketai - mobile phone
** konchoing- from the verb 'to koncho'. Japanese kids tend to catch their teachers unaware by poking their hands up your arse. Little buggers.
***genki - chirpy

My new housemate!

Boys' night!

With the girls away camping, Dan, Pete, Tom, Chris and I got together for Boys' night. I can't disclose the details of the night as what goes on tour stays on tour.

What I will say, though, is that this week I've felt completely comfortable in Japan. I've been able to relax and be my drunken self. The other people in and around Hagi are all great fun and I'm really happy with my life at the moment.

Penis temple

Really really really hungover today. Definitely a top 3 hangover in Japan. So what do you do when you're felling like you can't make it throught the day? Go to a penis temple of course! Apparently, this place gets any women who goes there pregnant. The girls started chanting 'we want cock' in front of th shrine. Usually this wouldn't bother me, but me and dave tried to make a quick exit as we didn't want to be linked with any immaculate conceptions that may have taken place.



After our fill of phallic statues, Dave drove me and Pauline to Kasayama volcano. The view was amazing, though the weather wasn't too good. Here is a view of Hagi from the volcano. Afterwards, we returnd to Rosie and Dan's for more poker and drinking!

English Department Welcome Enkai

Today was my English Department Welcome Enkai, a bit late but it did exactly what it says on the tin. It really put me at ease as I have been worried that I haven't been living up to their expectations. Nakano Sensei told me that she was really impressed at how relaxed I am when I interact with the students and that is why she trusted me to teach a class all by myself while she as absent from school. This has given me a lot of confidence and I'm looking forward to teaching for the rest of the year. However, the japanese have a tendency to flatter you even if they don't mean it so I'm not sure if it was sincere. I'm hoping it was as Nakano sensei doesn't act Japanese. I also hope that they don't expect me to live up to this cultural tendency to be polite as I was asked to sit in on one of Sumitomo sensei's observation classes with the principle and vice principle of the school. They asked me my opinion on her teaching as she has only been teaching for 6 months. I was honest and said what I thought. Looking back on it, I hope they don't thik that i was harsh. Oh well, I'll get over it!

From left to right: Nishinaka Sensei, Nakano Sensei, Matt Sensei and Sumitomo Sensei.

After the enkai, I met up with Dave, Pauline and Rosie for a bit of drinking and poker.We got pretty smashed but it was great fun. Rosie "disgrace" Martin passed out on the floor. Good work! You did me proud. The survivors: me, pauline and dave.
The carnage!

Office stalker!

In need of the school fax number, I made a visit to the school office to ask one of the girls who work there. Oshida san moved her laptop to make room for herself and what do I see stuck to her desk?

Before we came to Japan we had to send Passport photos with our application so that the schools can choose who they want and so that they can recognise us at the airport. The school had blown these photos up to A4 size and I first saw one of these with my application in the principle's office. Oshida san had copied one of these and had it stuck to her desktop. I was a little freaked out to say the least. Oshida san and Kimura san were completely embarassed and could not look me in the face. I returned the compliment by taking a photo of them and doing the same with my desk.

Jackie Kennedy's reincarnation. I've been rumbled!

Well I have most definitely had one of the funniest nights of my life tonight. At about 5:45 I get a text from Rosie saying that we're leaving for Horiko's at 6:15. Horiko? Who? What? When? Why? It turns out that, in our drunken states on Friday, Pete and I had agreed to be moral support to Rosie and Christine as they were not keen to go round Horiko's for dinner.

We turn up and I can't keep a straight face from the moment we set foot in her house. She is a nutty old japanese woman who loves speaking English and had got in touch with the local Board of Education to try and get JETs to stay with her. She compromised with dinner but she wants to make it a weekly thing.

She immediately drags us to her garden that is lit up by loads of lights (apparently its one of the best gardens in the area and has won awards). She then told us about her husband who died of cancer and showed us the shrine she has made to him and then bowed constantly to it. She then dragged us to the dining room (and I mean dragged, she was pulling us around hand in hand.) We were greeted by her friend (who had never met a foreigner before) and a table full of tempura (deep fried vegetables) sashimi (raw fish and beef) barnacle fruit!!!!! and other random japanese things (including tiny fish with eyes and head all in tact mmmmmmmmm!) She had been cooking all day for us! She also had plenty of red wine!!!!

Well she is probably a millionaire and she gave us a tour of her house: Her art collection (mainly her own work), her 6ft widescreen TV and her 'memorial house' that she built for her husband. She had built an entire separate building in her husband's memory for JETs to live in but the Board fo education won't allow it (thank god). She has wine glasses that cost over £2000 each! Crazy! She wants all our friends and parents to stay with her in the 'memorial house' when they visit.

She just did not stop talking and making weird noises. She kept telling me that I have the same eyes as Jackie Kennedy, and therefore started to call me Jackie cos she couldn't pronounce matt (mattsu). Little did she know that I was, in fact, Jackie Kennedy in a previous life. She kept talking about her husband and how much everything in her house costs. She kept holding my ahnd without realising it and hitting me everytime she said something funny. She was undescribable. No words can explain this woman. You all have to come meet her! Please! Take her off our hands!

Pete was loving the Jackie comments but what goes around comes around stubbsy boy! The results from the girls kissing predictions were in tonight. Who would be the best (purely hypothetical of course) me or Pete? 4-0 to me!!! Sorry Pete, you either have it or you don't. I'm sure you'd be better in other areas, as Rosie so rightly pointed out, such as cycling. We can't all be every girls' fantasy mate.

Fishery High school

Just come back from my first day at Suisan Fishery High School. It was interesting to say the least. This school basically takes students out to sea for two weeks at a time to teach them fishing skills, navigation and marine biology. The rest of the time they have to do academic subjects. The students are almost all stupid boys who couldn't make it into other schools. They knew no English but there were a few exceptions:

1. "can we make love?" when asked 'how old are you?'.
2. " She's a D cup" when showed a picture of Catherine Zeta Jones
3. " I like bed sports" (and thrusting of hips) when asked 'what sports do you like?'

It was actually a really fun day, except for them taking the piss out of me for my hair-all Japanese people think that I must get my hair curled. It's natural god dammit! It's quite bizzare that they take the piss as J boys are very feminine and are constantly checking their hair.

The sights of Hagi

Although adamanent that she was not getting out of bed today, Hannah managed to join Justin, Chrisitine, Jen and I for a bit of sightseeing in Hagi. We visited the Toko-ji Shrine which is surrounded by 500 stone lanterns. I have previously visited this shrine in the cover of darkness, when the lanterns were lit, but it was completely different in daylight. (the fence that I broke on my first visit is still on the floor. oooops) There were these really weird bugs jumping about and I tried to get a pic but they seemed to be immune to the lense. They looked completely different to this but I quite like the mash up effect!We then proceeded to the castle grounds. Nothing interesting really, we were too hungover to make any effort to do anything worth talking about sorry! Though there were these nutters climbing on the walls. You know you're getting old when you start thinking 'oooh they shouldn't be doing that, where's their parents eh?' We weren't prepared to jump in after them if they fell, especially when the moat was full of massive psycho coy carp. (though I quite fancied it)

BBQ at Rosie and Jim's, sorry Dan's

Can I just say, this has nothing to do with this particular post, a bloody Japanese woman has just parked her car outside my appartment with huge speakers on top of it. She is now singing to the whole neighbourhood. Shut up! It's the bloody weekend! Go away!

Anyway, today Jen (from Nagato, next few stops on the train) and the Tokuyama crew (Justin, Christine and Hannah) all came to stay with me. In the day we chilled on the beach and in the evening we went over to Rosie and Dan's for a BQQ. Other JET's came too and it was a really good night. Dan and Rosie are the best hosts- they're great people, have a huge house and prepared food for us. Thank you! I was struggling to get back on it after the provious nights escapades but the trusty ribeno put me back in the mood. I got really drunk and have no clue what I said or did to people. But it was a great night and fun was had by all. These are Sarah's boobs!




and this is me, Christine (the alcoholic! you probably can guess just by looking) and Louise (fellow Brit)Anyways, Everyone got merry and some wanted to continue the party. So Pete, Paul (they're always involved), Hannah (another Brit) and I went in serch for Karaoke. It being three in the morning, they were all closed. Paul had rung his Japanese friend Ken to join us. We had dragged him out of bed at three in the morning to come meet three pissed white people in a car park only to find that everything is closed. Why does he want to be our friend? Anyway we took advantage of his soberness and car and drove to the 24 hour supermarket for more booze. We then proceeded to Paul's to watch Ghostbusters. Ken is such a random bloke but he's brilliant. For some reason he had some fancy dress in the boot of his car. I've stopped asking 'why?' in this country now. Hannah and I were in fits of laughter in the back of this car. He was such a bad driver, he didn't use the clutch and braked at the last possible minute. When we asked what sort of a car it was he claimed it was a 4 by 4 mountain car. We pointed out that it was a fiat punto. The roof could fold back so we drove along with our beers under the moonlight. What a night!

One thing, however, was not resolved from the night. Who would be the better kisser- me or Pete? The girls had a lengthy discussion and did not disclose the result. Dan promised to find out from Rosie over pillow talk but no news yet. Sorry Pete, it's blatanly me!

seagull

What a night! Somehow whenever Paul is involved in a night out it turns into crazy mashed up carnage. We started off having a civilised meal (pete, rosie, dan, christine and I) with no alcohol passing our lips (well i speak for everyone apart for christine - this alcoholic is very good at hiding her problem but I've sussed the bitch out already). Then we headed towards Paul's to drag him and Dave to a rugby bar in town. Somehow we lost Christine with Paul and Dave and it was the general cosensus that she was in fact dressed up in her leathers, standing above Paul on his all fours whilst Dave was filming the spanking action. They were gone quite a while.

After a few pints, Pete 'karaoke queen' Stubbs and Paul suggested all you can drink karaoke. Dave and I were the only takers so the four of us headed off in search for some vocal intercourse. We couldn't find one near so I took the lead and directed them to the 'seagull snack bar'. This bar is where I went after my sports day enkai and I had promised Mama Tomocha (the land lady of this haunt) that I would return soon. We were vaulted into seats as soon as we opened the door to this shoe box of a bar. The other punters were quite reserved and were obviously just having a quiet night. Paul's opening 'living on a prayer' put an end to all of that. Our glasses were never empty, food was brought to us and we were the party. By the end of it all, the other 8 people in this bar were singing along and getting in to the swing of things. We were drunken disgraces but they loved it. Paul falling asleep on the bar was our prompt to leave. It was such a good night but I don't remember much of it.

At one with nature - well sort of

Well today I had to trek through through a tunnel then up a hill, at one with nature, to make it to Susa High school. In this heat and carrying a bag and laptop, I was not a pretty sight when I arrived. There were so many creatures about but most of them were too quick for me to capture on my camera. There were loads of crabs, even though we were not by the sea.
There were also millions of huge black and yellow spiders. I'm guessing that they're not your average incy wincys!

This is the tunnel I have to crawl through (it's about a metre high and that's small, even for the most hobbit like of us) Then finally I saw this snake. I have later been informed that it could well be a habu, one of the most venomous snakes in South East Asia. Won't be getting so close next time!

Skool Dayz

Have just returned from Yanai where a Skool Dayz night was held for us JETs and any randoms who wanted to get involved in the drunken action. Had a really good night, though I'm felling it today. It's amazing how much fun you can have with one afro wig! I must apologise for my lack of fancy dress but inadequate planning time caused me to be lame. I will try harder next time. Must commend Pete for his school girl effort and Keith for his John Mackenroe ensemble.





The wine/beer/whiskey/cocktail induced hangover was indeed a killer and for the first time in Japan vomming was definitely still an option! Today I have mostly been loving water and air. The pain was, however, eased by a visit to yaki niku (indoor bbq). Tonight I'm gona bum around in my flat nursing my hangover. I'm getting too old for this malarky.

Welcome letters

Well i taught my first senior high lessons yesterday and they were, well.... um interesting. They're English ability is worse than that of the elementary school I visit. At the start of the lesson they all had to ask me questions to try to get to know me. They spent ages trying to think of questions and when they finally came up to me they asked weird things like 'what is your bloodtype?'. I don't bloody know!

Then a group of girls relucantly approached and asked my age. When I replied 21 they suddenly perked up and you could see in their eyes that they were thinking 'that's only three years! it's possible!'. Er no it's not possible- I'm your teacher! Then they're English suddenly improved with the immediate 'have you got a girlfriend?'. Honestly, they should respect the teacher student boundary!

They then all wrote me welcome letters. Here are a few highlights (they wrote some weird things)

"I want to friendly with you"- Is that how you say it nowadays?

"You are very nice face"- this was written by a boy, which is a bit worrying

"You are very cute and young!!"- should you really be writing this to your teacher?

"Lets make a comic book someday. I'd like to write the story Matt's an eye for fashion"- Is he taking the piss or is he serious?

Then in the middle of the gibberish, bad spelling and basic sentences came:

"Welcome to Yamaguchi. This prefecture faces the sea on the north side and has many fishing ports. Its fisheries thrive, and it's Japan's major port for the unloading of globefish. Yamaguchi prefecture's globefish are well known all over Japan"

Well I looked for the tourist guide she had hidden under the desk but it wasn't there. How can someone write this when the rest of the class served me shit splattered on paper? This country will never stop surprising me.

Sports day enkai

So after sports day all the teachers went out for an enkai (party) at a local hotel. It was very traditional and had no signs of mash up. Once again i was wrong. First of all, it was all you can drink (wohoooooooo!). Secondly, the Japanese have a social rule that you can't refuse a drink when someone pours one for you (it's rude to pour your own) so obviously being the new white boy everyone wanted to talk to me and pour my drinks. Thirdly, the food was interesting. I could cope with the sashimi (raw fish) but i had no idea what some of the other dishes were. They tasted ok but the texture would instantly make you gag- the only thing to wash it down with was beer and i needed to wash down a lot. Fourthly, i made the mistake of claiming that I'm a big drinker. This resulted in a load of drunnken senseis stumbling around the room using their new English phrase 'im er big drink-a!'. It also encouraged them to bring me lots of interesting drinks. I was wankered.














After the dinner a few of us younger teachers went on to a dodgy bar and sang bad karaoke. I continued drinking and it all got a bit too drunken. I don't remember too much but I have spent most of today in bed and only managed to stumble accross the road to purchase a Mos Burger. I'm a mess.

sports day

Well I stayed at home this weekend to go to my school's sports day on Sunday. 'That's a bit boring', I hear you cry, 'we want drunkeness and mash up stories!'. Well hold your horses and hang a banger. This weekend did not disappoint. First of all, the school has been preparing for this day since wednesday to saturday. From this detail I was led to believe that this is a very serious event and I was looking forward to the athletic performances that it would entail. How wrong was I? It started off with formal marching, flag break, bowing and lots more ceremonial faffing. Then then came the 100m and 200m sprints. All normal up until this point. Then the craziness began. Obstacle courses which involve biting bread off a dangling bit of string, spinning around with your head on a baseball bat on the ground 10 times, and popping balloons. Piggy back races, where you fight with the other team and steal their hats, then followed (it can get quite vicious) but my favourite was fighting over tyres. Girls from each team would line up at the side of the field and when the gun fired they would leg it towards the tyres in the middle and drag them back to their side. There was bitch fighting! It was great!
Every school should have a sports day like this! But it gets weirder! Then each class dressed their teachers up and put on a performance to gain extra points. There was a lot of cross dressing.
This is a picture of me and my bitches! The one on the left is shuip and he's the captain of the baseball team. He's a bit of a character so if he ever misbehaves in my class this photo is going to get projected on the wall. It's gona haunt him forever!!!!!!! Don't ever mess with Matt Sensei!

pavement hotels

Well I'm sure that you've heard about Japan's capsule and love hotels but I just thought that I would introduce you to the new craze that is sweeping the nation: pavement hotels! They're easy to find when munted out of your brain, they're cheap and never fully booked. Dont know why it hasn't been thought of before. You should try it some time!

I'm a teacher!!

I've just finished my first day of teaching! I will be going to Sanmi Elementary School every friday and the first day was great.

I had to introduce myself to each class so I made a powerpoint presentation to make it a bit jazzy, a bit crazy, 'it's a bit of fun!'. You would expect that this particular type of software would be pretty basic to the nation that is at the forefront of digital visual technology. You would be mistaken my friend: they were gobsmacked! 'ah matt sensei (that's my name!) you must show me how to use this er powerpoint presentation. it is excellent. You must be very clever matt sensei'. Yes I'm a bloody genius! They've had a projector at this school, which goes from ages 6 to 15, for four years and I'm the first person to use it. This country is so backwards considering that it is a giant in the electronic manufacturing world (but I love it!).

Anyway, I taught them all about me, Wales and the UK. Everyone who features in the photos at my leaving weekend below also made an appearance. Your ugly mugs and Greg's foot fetish were exposed to poor little Japanese kids (I teach age 8-12).

here's a photo of my 4th grade class